Dear Gregory,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds outside of Chicago and I saw you put leeches on my avocado plant. I'm sure you are frostbitten enough to understand that your pimples are at the last stage. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget your eggplant-fetishism.
Disgusting regards,
Mathias.
* the choice of words do not reflect their respective representations. they were chosen because I though they were funny.
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