Sunday, December 26, 2010

a secret kept too long

I’m sure everyone have their own secret. A secret that we are so afraid to tell, that somehow, we have managed to live with it like there’s no such secret. Everyday, we lived our lives completely unaware that the secret we kept inside doesn't show the slightest hint of revealing itself. In short, IT has consumed us.

Life would definitely be nice if there weren’t any secrets. There’s no need to worry about anyone finding out anything about you that you don’t want the world to know. These are however, impossible to achieve. The reason is simple. People Judge!


Say, what do you worry most when you’re trying to tell someone something?

“what they might think?” would be the first question you’d ask yourself.

Then, you will start going “What if…”,

Lastly, you’d ask yourself, “So, Should I tell or not?'”

Then it’s all back to the beginning.

Isn’t that what we all go through? I know I do. All the time!


But lately, things changed (maybe it’s just me). I’ve actually started asking myself

“how long do I intend to keep this secret?”

“is it possible?”

“how long more can I do this?”


I just wanted to live a life that I enjoy, one that I like, and the one that I don’t have to hide. But apparently, the judges don’t like it.


So, to continue to act I shall, as the stage is set up, and the lights are shining. Attentions are on me and there’s nowhere to hide. Because I’ve been an actor, and shall be the best I can be.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Well, everyone told me a month ago that they started feeling that I’m under alot of stress staying at where I am now and I declined that statement, until today.

I’m not stressed of what I cannot do, but rather stressed because of expectations, from myself, and especially from others.

I’m not sure of it, but I think I’m really a blur case sometimes, I take some time to process what people have to tell me sometimes and due to that, I’ll usually end up screwing myself. Bad, I know.

Things are worse when you have to march all the way to a person’s place to restart her computer for her because she doesn’t know how to do it. I mean, common! how can a person not know how to restart a computer when you are using your computer everyday to do your work?! Seriously?!

Another issue would be the lights. Don’t even get me started on that one. isn’t it a natural reflex to turn it of when you’re not gonna use it?! I did! and I’m also the one who got blamed when I did switch it off and when YOU switch it on again and leave without switching it off! (confusing I know, pls ignore)

Suddenly I feel like I have to look after so many things, be it work or non-work related. what can I say? everyone have their own asses (that includes me). I just want a care-free life, and yes, I think that’s one of my many asses. which is why sometimes I act blur even when I’m not.

Pardon me, but it’s just not a good Sunday for me. Didn’t manage to get my usual R&R, and instead I got a HBP. I’m really looking forward to my holiday week and hopefully get to have some fun and time along to think and relax without the burden and any unpleasant thoughts in my head.

I really really really miss my Uni days. The days when I can really live!