尊重长辈

我让你说，不顶你嘴。
是应为我会尊重你。

其实，你是赢在辈份比我大而已。

Trying - positivity

Sometimes, pleasing someone takes a toll on you.

We do it because we think it's worth it, and I still think it's worth it.

Maybe we were both tired today.


On a side note, we went for a safety driving course today and tried a few stunts drifting the cars safely... which was pretty awesome! =D At lease we had a great time there together. =)

Let's make more memories of us! =)

Re-play

Tim pulled me in to have a chat with me today and brought up a lie that he told me. Simply because it's time to let me know.

I shouldn't be surprised; because that lie made no sense to me from the beginning as there's no recollection of what he told me happened during the crash.

I understand that it was told to soften the blow, and to help me get back on my feet from my traumatized state.

Now that he has come clean about the lie.

What am I feeling? How should I feel?

The incident has started to re-play.

Suddenly, it's like 26th June all over again...

Multipotentialite

I feel so much less weird after watching this.

http://www.ted.com/talks/emilie_wapnick_why_some_of_us_don_t_have_one_true_calling

Why it had to happen

I was told
"One day, you'll look back. You'll know exactly why it had to happen."

I thought I will remember every single detail of the accident.
I thought I will be traumatized

I was traumatized, for about a week,
and then I just started driving again.
Not because I'm not scared, or I'm brave, but...
because I had to.
public transport in Malaysia is such a pain in the ass.
I had to!

I can't remember every single detail of the accident.
I can't remember the speed I was at.
I can't remember the moments before the accident.
I can only recall fragments of what happened before the crash.
The car skidded, spun, and overturn.
and the next thing I know, I'm strapped into my seat, upside down.
and blood came purging out of Tim's mouth.

Why us?
of all the cars travelling, I'm still wondering.
Why us?

and, why it had to happen?

The Carousel

"The carousel never stops turning, and you can't get off" - Ellis Grey

It was a Friday afternoon. The day we are supposed to go home and have dinner with our family.
It was a Friday afternoon. and things gone bad.

26th June 2015, Friday . An accident happened.

Circumstances changed, fate changed.

Post event updates:
- I'm totally fine, suffered from minor cuts and bruises
- My manager wasn't. Underwent oral and maxillofacial surgery. He's recovering well but we are still hoping for him to get back his eyesight.
- My 15 years old waja has served me well, saved our lives, and retired in the junk yard.
- Motor insurance issued a total loss payout, and I've gotten a new car on 7th Sept. 2015
- Lost my phone and glasses in the accident as well. Replaced.

All tangible losses have been recovered. What's left are the emotions that I still have to go through everyday.

"The carousel never stops turning, and you can't get off"

Fast Forwarded

3 Years and 6 Months, the rough estimated time that I have left this blog hanging.

3 years and 6 months, so many things can change. But yet, there are still things that remained the same.

My last post was written when I was starting my new job with Prudential as a Claims Assessor.

Long story short, I hated working there, which was why it only lasted for about 6 months when I accepted the offer my ex-boss from Mediexpress (Medix) offered.

Work in Medix wasn't the same as before, the treatment and and the tasks assigned got routine and improvement suggestions was turned down from the top and nothing seems to be moving. I was also doing part-time study at the same time which was quite challenging.

In August 2014, I've decided to take up another challenge for a role in Business Development for an Integrated Facility Management company. I've graduated with my Masters in Business Administration soon after starting with this company.

Yes, 3 years and 6 months has passed. Many things had changed, and there are still some things that remained the same.

So, you might be thinking "I've been here before, this is familiar, this is old hat." And you may be wondering why am I back, But you're about to find out everything has changed.

Uncharted

Here it comes again, the feeling of excitement, joy, and sorrow. Love and hate. The uncertainties I have to face.

A huge decision has been made to switch  to a new environment. Thus, It’s a huge change that I’ll have to adapt to.

I’m going to miss what I have, but I’m looking forward to what’s in stored for me.

It’s another window closed, but now the door on the other side opened.

 

 

and then, there’s this feeling that you can’t talk about…

Life’s like a riddle…

just another year

Another year has come and gone.

Another year with only one post every month. Another year where blogging seems so distant. Another year, I noticed that I find it difficult to find the right words to describe my feelings, expressions, and thoughts.

Another Year, another new goal, another unachievable target.

Another burden, another responsibility, another stress.

When can I get the strength to let go everything and just leave?

To go where I want.

To do what I want.

To live how I want.

When I want.

With who I want.

 

Making These decisions. I can’t only think about me. Even though single, There’s never only “me” in the picture.

of value and values

what differentiate the values we have with our value?

I’m kinda going through a rough spot these days.

hopefully everything would be fine…

FIGHTING!!!

Life . Challenges . Changes

Often in life, we predict the outcome of someone else’s life. Neglecting our own.

Judgements are done based on personality, actions, and a tad of prejudice. But little did we know, people change. Things change. Along with time, personality, actions and everything changes.

Someone whom I get to know long ago, a jerk, arrogant, careless and playful person has now became a dad probably due to the above reasons. Is now a good husband, caring father and a breadwinner.

This prompted me to look at myself instead. Am I still who I was 10 years ago? Did I grow? In what ways? Is it for the better? What would I be in the future?

Success, how do we measure success? What is success? How long is the time I should allocate for myself to be successful. Does it mean owning a nice house and a good car? Or having a family of my own to share my simple life with? Can it be also the best of both worlds? Yes, the best of both worlds is what I should be aiming for.

Where am I standing? how do I fair? are there any guidelines which we can use to measure ourselves? I’m becoming 24 soon. and I've not have any idea on what I should do to myself. Am I giving myself pressure? or am I complacent? Do I work hard enough to be where I wanted to be? And what do I want out of life?

Challenges are opportunities. That’s how I perceive it. Which is why I have been taking up many challenges to increase my value in the market. Being the sole account manager for a huge corporate client is going to be difficult, but I hope it pays. Promotions and salary review is around the corner, bonuses are still unknown. I like to challenge myself like how I like people to challenge me. It makes me more competitive, sharp and prepared. Stress keeps my adrenaline pumping and me working.

I like challenges, but it must pay. Else, Changes must be made.

What is the duration I should give myself to achieve the targets I’ve set for myself in this company? How long before I should execute the idea of promoting myself to the next level if this company can no longer give me what I want? “you will know when the time has come” – my cousin told me.

In year 2012, I want to live happily, with an open mind to explore new things. and remember every single step of the way to success!

Happy 2012 everyone!

night time, bedtime

When you’re little,

night time are scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed.

But when you get older,

the monsters are different - loneliness and regret.

Although we’re older and wiser,

We still find yourselves scared of the dark.

 

Sleep - it’s the easiest thing to do.

You just, close your eyes.

 

For so many of us, however;

Sleep seems out of our grasp.

 

We want it,

but we don’t know how to get it.

 

Once we faced our demons and fears,

and turn to each other for help.

Night time isn’t so scary,

Because we are all alone in the dark.

Feeling

I have a feeling.

I feel pain,

I feel emotional,

I feel like walking under the rain.

 

All these negative feelings are all I have.

When will the darkness go?

When will the dawn break?

 

At least I know,

I still have got something to lose.

of scars and wounds

People have scars at all sorts of unexpected places.

Like a secret roadmaps of their personal histories,

diagrams of all their old wounds.

 

Most our old wound heals, leaving nothing behind but a scar;

but some of them don’t.

There are some wounds that we carry with us everywhere,

and even though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.

 

What’s worse?

New wounds which are still horribly painful?

or, Old wounds which should’ve healed years ago but never did?

 

Maybe our old wounds teach us something,

they remind us where we’ve been,

and what we’ve overcome.

They teach us the lessons of what to avoid in the future.

 

That’s what we think.

but it’s not the way it is, is it?

because there are still somethings we have to learn;

over and over and over again.

tell me sweet little lies

Sceptic, that’s what we trained to be as we grow.

 

Lying is bad, or so we’re told.

since the day we are born, and constantly.

“honesty is the best policy”

“the truth shall set you free”

“I chopped down the cherry tree” – so what?

 

The fact is, lying is a necessity.

we lie to ourselves because the truth friggin’ hurts!

Weather we like it or not.

 

but here’s the truth about the truth;

it hurts.

So, we lie.

Of Alcohol and Hangovers

Alcohol, the beverage we turn to when we need to drown our thoughts.

 

Little did we know, it actually helps us to think much better after a few glass.

Everything seems clearer than ever.

Every thought so vivid, lucid to the point where your senses are so alive even though you are dead tired.

 

The intense thought that flows through our brain,

Swift as a sunbird

Soon gets intoxicated by the fluid intake

Taking us into a whole new level of ecstasy.

 

The lack of self control soon gets us into deep shit.

When we are drowning with our petty thoughts.

Asking ourselves questions that we dare not ask ourselves.

Weirdly enough, we answer them honestly, truthfully.

 

When it comes to the point where your body couldn't take it anymore

We puke.

Along with all the pain and lies we told ourselves.

 

If you'd think that's the end?

You're wrong.

 

It is the next day which you will have to worry about.

The hangover.

The sober.

The time when you came back into reality and having to face it all over again.

the game

The arena, where you find your competition.

How well you play it, is up to you.

 

I can’t think of a reason why I should play.

but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit.

The game is made hard on purpose.

 

There comes a moment when everything is more than just a game,

and you either take a step forward or turn and walk away.

 

I could quit, but here’s the thing.

I love the playing field.

GLEEK!

YES I AM!

Love the series, loved the movie!

Just hope that there’s a concert… A REAL one!

the tempo, my tempo.

Tempo, a musical terminology referring to the pace or speed of a given piece. It possesses the ability to affect the mood and difficulty of a piece, rendering it a crucial element of a musical composition. (Wiki, 2001)

Adagio, marks the start of my work life. Things were rather slow since I’m new to the industry. Same questions were being asked repeatedly. Constantly making the same mistakes. It felt as if time stopped. But, I’m very thankful for my colleague who helped me out gladly. Making sure I did my work right, the scripts being executed properly, or the reports I did being presentable. I’m very thankful. =)

As I started to get hold of my work, more and more tasks are being given to me. Andante sets in and begin it’s role of spicing up my work life. having more responsibilities, more tasks, more to learn, and more late nights. All these has made me slightly disconnected with my Uni friends since most of my energy is being focused at work.

Soon enough, Allegretto takes it’s position as I’m being put in charge in the execution of 2 huge clients. Taking them pass the transition cycle, providing input and information. Things were not easy as the tasks were challenging and many late nights were being pulled off to get things to go smoothly. But, all is well.

1st July 2011, the piece were played to the Vivacissimo tempo. A promotion is in place, and a new seat awaits as I’m being transferred into a new department. where more challenging tasks awaits.

1 year, 1 new role, persevere and to do my best. Nothing is impossible!

 

The composition continues and the days pass, This piece is just the mark of a starting point, a piece to remember where I begun, and I hope there’s a nice ending to it.

Dream High!

Dream High - OST

This is the song currently set to repeat itself on my playlist in iTunes. Love it! =D

Like the song says, Dream high.

After a year of working in the company, my boss finally decided it’s time for me to move to another department. Overseeing 2 of the most challenging and high volume accounts of the company:

Malaysia Airlines System (MAS): headcount of about 60,000 employees

and Foreign Workers: 600,000 registered members and increasing.

Being transferred into a new department means more opportunities are opened for me, more things for me to learn, more things for me to do, with the possibility of more late nights and more stress, not knowing if I’m getting a promotion or a good increment.

It’s a challenge I’m willing to take up and I’m more than interested to take this opportunity to prove myself to be a suitable candidate in the managerial position.

Thus, I give myself 2 months to learn up all the processes of the new department and the policies set.

All that being said, the long term plan that have always been so clear to me seems blurry all of a sudden. I am starting to have doubts of what my priorities are. What are my long term and short term goals? What I want out of life? Where I want to be?

I am going to need time to think everything through carefully again. I need to give myself a time frame to get my goals right and my priorities straight.

 

and most important of all, I need a vacation!

 

I need to DREAM HIGH!